My hubby and and I got know this very special someone when it was 4 weeks old. We don't know what is its gender. It was someone who we had looked forward to see in 9 months time.
William gave it a name while its inside me and its called 蔡小Cute (Chua Xiao Cute). We would call, talk to and sing to Xiao Cute everyday. Our bonding got closer everyday.
However, mummy got spotting every few weeks and had visited the gynae quite a couple of times. Every time she spots, she was told by the gynae to bed stay. Wanting to Xiao Cute to grow well, mummy rested as much as she can and tried to think of every positive things she could.
Every visit to gynae gave mummy many hopes and worries.
- As Xiao Cute was too small at 4 weeks, it can't be seen through normal scan. The gynae told mummy the possibility of etopic pregnancy, which mean that the embryo was implanted outside the uterus.
- On the next visit, the sac could be seen and mummy was very happy that Xiao Cute was growing in the correct place.
- On the 3rd visit, Xiao Cute could not be seen even though the sac was bigger. Mummy was told by the gynae that Xiao Cute was growing very slowly and this was not a good sign.
- Daddy was around on the 4th visit, Xiao Cute was 3 mm (much slower growth than expected) and its heartbeat could be seen but the heartbeat was very irregular. Gynae told us such cases, the foetus have only 50% survival. We had to mentally prepare ourselves.
- The subsequent visit which was 2 weeks later (14-Apr-10), Xiao Cute was not growing at all (only 3.5mm) and its heartbeat could not be seen anymore. Xiao Cute could not survive.
When our gynae broke this piece of bad news to us, we did not know how to respond. We were devasated and it was like losing a part of us. We grieved and cried a lot. Although we did not see and touch Xiao Cute in person. I could understand the feelings of parents who lost their children.
We had to arranged for a surgery to remove Xiao Cute yesterday. The medicine to be taken on the night before the surgery, was a really painful process. My womb cramped a lot and I bled a lot. I know that Xiao Cute would be leaving my body.
By now, Xiao Cute would be around 10 weeks. I wanted thank it for giving me a chance to be in me and the every special moment we had together. Although you are not around anymore, you will always in our hearts and we will love you always.
